i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
