you would pick up someone in the library
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
