When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He better not be in your backpack
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
