Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Randomize
