The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
