Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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