Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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