I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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