Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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