You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
