You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
