The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
