I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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