I think i peed on brittanys purse
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
