I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
