ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
