I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
