Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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