It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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