don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
