i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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