I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
