If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
