it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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