I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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