Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
