her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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