U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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