can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
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