I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
