I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
