i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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