The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
