There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
