It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
