his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
