Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
