if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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