Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
