i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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