I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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