I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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