I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
