hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
