Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
