I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
