Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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