you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
