Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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