Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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