you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
