If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
